What the cat dragged in for Christmas
by AgentSkulder
Summary: A collection of rather unconventional Christmas tales
1. Default Chapter

What the cat dragged in for Christmas  
  
AgentSkulder@hotmail.com  
  
The x-files is property of Chris Carter, 1013 productions, and Fox  
  
An unconventional Christmas tale  
  
  
  
And then came the silence. A silence that was welcomed only because it dulled out the pain, but was frightening because of the atomic boom that threatened to come. And he knew it would. So he lay there in a fetal position, the tears falling one after another, pooling together at the side of his face. His breaths short and shallow, and the throbbing of his own heartbeat inside of his head were the only audible noises. He closed his eyes, but all he could see was her brilliant blue eyes, exaggerated in contrast to her white face. So he left them open, the cold air stinging them.  
  
And then it came. He rose to his feet in a fit of fury, flailing his arms about and kicking violently at the ground, cursing at the top of his lungs. His chest heaved violently as he grabbed hold of the chair, trembling furiously and then tossed it across the room against the hospital bed. He collapsed back to the floor, this time in loud pathetic cries.  
  
"Mulder!!" Skinner burst through the door. "Get a hold of yourself!" He ordered as he pulled at his arms, which was protested with more flailing. Skinner stepped back and helplessly looked down at him. "Come on Mulder, let's get you out of here." His tone turned more sympathetic.  
  
"I let her go!" Mulder cried loudly. "It's all my fault!"  
  
"Mulder, it's not your fault, there's nothing you could have done." Skinner tried to reassure.  
  
"I could have stopped it. I SHOULD'VE stopped it." He slowly stood, wiping the tears off his face. "Did anyone call her mother?"  
  
"Not yet." Skinner placed his hand on his shoulder in comfort.  
  
Mulder closed his eyes and tried to regain composure. He then abruptly grabbed his coat and ran for the door.  
  
"Mulder!! Where are you going?"  
  
Skinner sighed and followed him to the parking lot. "Mulder!" Upon spotting him, he ran over to the car and jumped in the passenger seat.  
  
"I know who did this." Mulder declared as he put the car in reverse.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"That SOB!!! I'm going to kill him with my bare hands."  
  
"Mulder, who?"  
  
"Richard Slovesky. He has her Skinner! Who else would do it? She was investigating him, and he put her in the hospital, and he came back to kill her and he has her."  
  
Skinner shrugged. "You don't know that she's dead. Where would he be?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm going to find him. There was so much blood, Skinner. He hurt her, and now I'm going to kill him!!!" He bellowed as he pounded the dashboard.  
  
They pulled up in front of a condemned building. The two ran up a flight of stairs into a room drenched in blood with a ½ an inch of dirt covering the floor littered with homemade weapons out of boards and nails. Next to a wet pool of blood laid Scully's cross.  
  
"He was here! He has her!!!" Mulder screamed as he picked up the gold chain and put it in his pocket.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"This is where Scully was supposed to stake out. But he got to her first."  
  
"Where would he take her?" Skinner asked.  
  
Mulder paced around the room, deep in thought.  
  
"Shh!" Skinner demanded as he held his hand to Mulder's chest and tilted his head. "Do you hear that?"  
  
The two ran over to the far wall from which silent thumps echoed. They moved aside an old dresser to expose a hole in which Scully lying in a puddle of blood lay tied up with a dirty bandana tied around her mouth. The two worked quickly to pull her out and Mulder gently removed the bandana from her mouth.  
  
"Scully." He whispered in an awkward relief.  
  
Her blue eyes glistened as she tried to move her mouth, but no sounds came.  
  
Skinner, who had already called for an EMT, pulled out his gun and signaled for Mulder.  
  
With their guns drawn, they walked out of the room. They slowly worked their was down the hallway with their backs to the wall until they came to a room. They made eye contact and mouthed 1, 2, 3 and jumped in front of the door to surprise Richard Slovesky who opened fire, fortunately missing them. Mulder tackled him sending both of them to a floor with a thud. He then proceeded to carry out his promise and delivered a bullet into his greasy hair covered skull.  
  
"What? That never happened." Frohike interrupted.  
  
" It sounded cool though." Langly retorted.  
  
"I wouldn't cry like a baby!" Mulder chimed in.  
  
"You wouldn't cry?" Scully shot back.  
  
"Well, uh-humm, not like that."  
  
"Anyone else have any stories?" Bright-eyed Byers chirped.  
  
They all looked over at him.  
  
"I've got one." Frohike said, situating himself on the chair. "Ok. This is a Yuletide tale of Santa and Mrs. Clause and their three elves." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
"OH, HO HO HO." The big man chuckled as he greedily stuffed his mouth with fresh-baked cookies. "What a beautiful sky it is, I hope tomorrow night is just as clear so I can spread joy and cheer." He spoke with crumbs falling into his beard as he gazed out the window thoughtfully.  
  
Mrs.Clause looked up over her spectacles from the kitchen and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Come here dear, would you look at these skies?"  
  
"I am in the middle of decorating these gingerbread men."  
  
"Well, come, take a break."  
  
The rosy-cheeked redhead put down the tube of icing and met her husband in front of the window. "Yes, it is pretty out."  
  
"Woah! Did you see that?!" He exclaimed pointing to a light in the sky. "It was an UFO!"  
  
"Was not, it was a shooting star!" She argued.  
  
"Why can't you believe? You know that I'm real, and elves are real, and I CAN fly through the sky."  
  
(Back to reality)  
  
"Hey! What are you insinuating here?" Scully asked Frohike as she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"I better not be wearing tights and pointy shoes." Langly warned.  
  
"Hey, hey, hey! I'm telling the story here." Frohike reminded and looked at the threatening faces before him.  
  
"C'mon, I want to hear what happens next!" Mulder childishly whined.  
  
(Back to story)  
  
"There's no such things."  
  
"No such things as what?" A Thin elf, Langerly with scraggly blonde hair wearing pale green stalkings and pointed shoes with PINK bells at the toes asked in a high pitched voice as he walked up behind the two.  
  
"UFOs." Santa responded.  
  
"I believe in UFOs." Byergums, another dorky elf added as he joined the group.  
  
" Uh, yes. The lights in the sky." The wise and handsome Frohikernip added, following behind Byergums.  
  
Mrs. Clause's eyes lit up at the site of such a specimen. If only she were an elf too, she thought.  
  
  
  
Note: My hands are getting tired so I'll write more later =) 


	2. Little ScullyLou Who

Frohikernip ran a hand through his slick, dead sexy hair and flashed Mrs. Clause a glimpse of his pearly whites.  
  
Mrs. Clause swooned as the two made eye contact. But the clumsy oath that he is, Byergums bumped into Frohikernip, who in turn bumped into Saint Muldyclause. It was the domino effect.  
  
Santa clause, sprawled out on his back like a turtle, rocked gently from side to side upon falling. His arms and feet in the air above him, wiggling humorously resembling that of a cockroach.  
  
"Oh dear!" Mrs. Clause exclaimed. She bent over and grasped the large man's hand. Her b-  
  
  
  
(Back to reality)  
  
Scully widened her eyes. "Let's not go there."  
  
Frohike smiled devishly.  
  
"It can't be more degrading than pale green tights and pointed shoes with pink bells." Langly reassured.  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of."  
  
"Think red French maid suit with white fluffy trim." Frohike nodded. "Hey!! Would you let me finish my story?!"  
  
(Back to story)  
  
Mrs. Clause helped the large man to his feet, who then proceeded to retrieve a plate of gingerbread cookies.  
  
Byergums brushed himself off and suggested he double-check his list.  
  
"Yeah, it's not like he's going to be gorging himself with cookies all night tomorrow." Langerly joked.  
  
"Dear, where are the ones with the cinnamon buttons?" Santa asked, ignoring the comments of the nerdy elves.  
  
"Dear?" He looked up, but his wife and Frohikernip were nowhere to be seen.  
  
Byergums pressed his face against the window, shielding the reflective light away by cupping his hands on the sides of his face. "They're making snow angels."  
  
Santa, in a fit of jealousy, rushed to the door and was greeted by his wife with a snowball thrown at his face.  
  
Byergums and Langerly gleefully rushed by him, gathering handfuls of the white ground into their hands. A full-blown snowball fight broke out, the main target being an uncharacteristically less than jolly Santa. Harsh coughs silenced the happy laughter, and in the far distance, a snowman, 'Cancer Ice' with a cigarette in place of a pipe, came bouncing towards the group, the trail of snow behind him turning a gross gray hue.  
  
"Oh no!" It's Cancer Ice!" Mrs. Clause exclaimed as she clutched onto Frohikernip's arm.  
  
"He has come to stop Christmas from coming!" Langerly added, his little elf body trembling in fear faintly ringing the pink bells at his toes.  
  
"I have a plan!" Frohikernip puffed out his chest. " We'll melt him!"  
  
"He can't be melted! If you puddlize him he'll only reform into two snowmen!" Mrs. Clause, the voice of reason rationalized.  
  
"I'll stop him!" Santa, feeling a bit inferior stepped forward, shielding his wife.  
  
"You can't walk five feet with getting out of breath!" Frohikernip pointed out, Santa's brows furrowed; he had been hit where it hurt the most.  
  
(Back to reality)  
  
"You and me small man, a mile, once we get out of here!" Mulder challenged.  
  
Frohike rolled his eyes in response. "Let me have my fantasy."  
  
"Your fantasy is to be an elf?" Langly laughed.  
  
"I have a better story." Mulder said with pride.  
  
"Oh God.." Scully mumbled as she lit another candle.  
  
"Do you have a better suggestion?" Mulder asked defensively.  
  
"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here."  
  
"You can go right on ahead, if you can even open the door."  
  
Scully moved her gaze towards the door. She turned on her flashlight and directed it to the window that the snow had piled up against. "We are going to die." She stated calmly.  
  
"Ah, don't worry, there will be search teams out here eventually." Byers responded in an effort to comfort her.  
  
"I'll keep you warm." Frohike offered as he watched her cross her arms tightly against her chest. "Instead of worrying about how we are going to freeze to death, lets snuggle, and if we die, I will have at least fulfilled one of my dreams."  
  
Scully raised her eyebrows. Confused yet she didn't really want any further explanation.  
  
"I'll die holding a beautiful woman."  
  
Her cheeks reddened a little and a smile erased the frightened expression that had contorted her features.  
  
"Well, Merry Christmas everyone." Byers sighed.  
  
"Hey, did you guys know, that if Santa Clause could visit every Christian home, which we'll say is 2 billion, with the different time zones, starting in the earliest, it would take him 3 millionths of a second to unload the gifts and get from one house to the next, and he would still only get to half of the houses?" Lanlgy enthusiastically announced.  
  
The four looked over at him threatingly.  
  
"You have a way with spreading Christmas cheer." Frohike spit out facetiously.  
  
"Who sits there and figures out stuff like that?" Scully asked, but then felt guilty for poking fun at him and offered a faint smile.  
  
"I thought it was interesting." He shrugged.  
  
"What's your favorite Christmas past time?" Byers asked indirectly.  
  
" When I was a kid, we used to all decorate the tree and afterwards we would all drink eggnog and huddle around the fire roasting marshmallows." Scully reminisced thoughtfully.  
  
"I used to love watching all the Christmas specials, Rudolph, and all the black and white movies. And every year we used to draw a name from a Santa hat and come up with a stocking stuffer for that person. One year when I was convinced I was going to grow up to be a magician, Samantha made me a wand out of clay. I still have it." Mulder smiled. "We used to make up Christmas stories as well, Samantha and I would."  
  
"Well, tell us a story." Scully excitedly proposed as she brought her knees up to her chest.  
  
"Ok. Uh, hmmmm." He paused and moved his eyes over the gunmen and Scully. "This one is called the Christmas that almost wasn't. It's about faith and the strength in friendship."  
  
"Oh, no, he's getting all soft on us." Frohike acknowledged.  
  
"It was silent in Dcville, and all was still. All peacefully sleeping, all but a girl."  
  
The girl with bright eyes, soulful and blue, had a bad feeling about someone she knew. She lay still in thought, of what should be done, how could she help him if he trusted no one? Her thumbs she twiddled, for an hour or so, and then sat up in bed, exclaiming 'Oh no!' She threw off the covers, and raced to her phone, but was surprised to hear no dial tone. She put on a jacket and her high heeled shoes, and raced out the door to spread the news..  
  
  
  
(A/N More coming!!) 


End file.
